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I still think about Tom

October 8, 2016

1a1

A friend asked me last week, “Are you still writing professionally?  Are you still publishing your blog?”

I shook my head and admitted that I hadn’t really done any serious publishing in over a year.  Probably more like two years.

“Why?”

I shrugged my shoulders, even though I knew the answer.  “I don’t know if you want to call it writer’s block.  I’m not sure how to describe it.”  I was searching for words and, on finding them, walked slowly in my explanation.

“After I wrote my last entry about Tom Craig, I kind of … well, I kind of fizzled out. And, well, I haven’t re-lit.  I never got the spark back.” I shifted in my chair.  “The week that I learned that Pastor Tom was dying of cancer (has it been two years ago?), I knew right away that I was supposed to chronicle his final months here on Earth. I knew God was telling me to put it into words.  I can’t remember when I was so energized in my writing.  It was like the words were flying out through my fingertips. Right up to the last week.  Then … when he died, well, I lost that drive.  That energy.”

And that’s what I needed to tell you. The tank is still empty.

I have had more than one person ask me when I would renew my writing.  When will you tell us about your new school year?  When will you write about your years of ministry?

To tell you the truth, I don’t know.

I just don’t know.

Tom’s walk toward The Edge was something I had never witnessed before.  Sure, I had seen death countless times in my life, but never in this situation.  A Christian pastor was going to explain his steps towards death week-by-week.  We would watch him melt under the ravages of cancer.  We would hear him talk of his nearing the Kingdom. He was courageous, genuine, and kind.  All while fighting intense pain, all while seeing the end coming. Oh, what messages we heard.

I still recall those days.  I was fascinated.  I was convicted.  I was absorbed.

Yes, I was obsessed.

Then he was gone.

He was gone.

And I can tell you, it changed me.  In more ways than I can relate in this blog.

I still cry when I remember him.

I know Tom is in Heaven, and I don’t cry like those who have no hope in the resurrection (I Thessalonians 4:13).  I do, however, falter in my emotions and remember the loss of a good, good man and a great Christian leader.  God allows me to carry that grief a bit longer. It’s very cathartic.  I may explain later.

For now, though, I apologize for my weakness.  I still don’t know when I can write.

 

 

 

 

 

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5 Comments
  1. Char permalink

    Well, it seems to me that you have started (to write). And I thank you.

  2. Grieve well, grieve deeply, my friend.

  3. Wow, just those short words you just wrote say so much and maybe this step is a small spark to light the flame once again?

  4. dennypac@juno.com permalink

    Brad, what would Tom have you do?

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